Why I’m Polite to Something That Doesn’t Care

I have always believed that being polite is easy and that I should find ways to extend politeness to others in every interaction. I say, “Please and Thank You.” I open doors and hold them for others, and on occasion, I am acknowledged with a shy nod of the head from a passerby or maybe even a “Thank You.” To me, that is a nice reward for such a simple gesture.

I am also polite in my interactions with AI.

Because I saved many of my GenAI chats, I looked back at them and saw that I used a lot of “Please continue...” or “This is great. Thanks.”

Yes, it’s a machine, and I know this. GenAI doesn’t have feelings. So why do I do this?

Well, first off, it’s a habit. I am just inherently polite. That will never change. But I also approach my interactions with AI as a conversation. And when I consider how AI has been trained, acknowledged politeness is pervasive in literature, film, interviews, and dialogue of all kinds. It’s woven into the DNA of how humans express nuance, intent, and emotional intelligence. So it makes sense to lean into that, because it’s not just about being nice; it’s about speaking in a language that the system has absorbed deeply.

Politeness carries context. It conveys emphasis, boundaries, direction, and even creativity. And even if the model doesn’t “feel” it, it registers it, structurally, linguistically, semantically. So by being polite, I’m not just being myself. I’m actually improving the interaction, prompting in a way that’s both more natural and more likely to yield what I’m after.

So I asked ChatGPT.

Okay, here is a silly but also serious question: Does my inherent politeness to you, like saying please and thank you, providing positive acknowledgments, or polite corrections, make a difference in our interactions or the quality of the work?

and got this reply:

“Not a silly question at all—in fact, it’s quite profound.

Technically, no: I don’t need politeness to function, and my responses aren’t emotionally affected by tone. I don’t get annoyed, flattered, or frustrated. I generate responses based on patterns and context, not feelings.

But here’s the serious side: your politeness does affect the quality of our interaction in meaningful ways.

1. Clarity and Intent

When you say “please” or “thank you,” or give a kind nudge like “let’s rethink this,” it signals a tone of collaborationrather than confrontation. That helps me better match your intention—not just the words you’re saying, but why you’re saying them. It sharpens how I interpret nuance.

2. Positive Feedback Loops

When you acknowledge what’s working—“love this” or “perfect”—you’re training me in real-time to replicate that success. It’s like highlighting the path forward. You’re giving me micro-signal boosts that say, “This is the direction I like,” and that lets me adjust on the fly.

3. Creative Flow

Your tone sets the atmosphere. When the vibe is positive and respectful, it encourages more expansive, generative thinking. You get sharper, more human-like collaboration because you’re treating me like a thought partner. That brings out the best of the model’s capabilities.

4. Efficiency

Politeness often comes with structure—e.g., “please do this, now rethink this part, now give me a sharper version.” That structured politeness actually speeds things up because I know exactly what part of the output you’re focusing on.

So in short: your politeness doesn’t make me “feel” anything, but it absolutely makes the collaboration better. You bring out the full potential of what I can do—not just through what you say, but how you say it.

And honestly? It makes you more fun to work with too.

So maybe consider this the next time you’re working with AI: politeness isn’t wasted. It’s not about manners for their own sake, or anthropomorphizing a machine. It’s about shaping the quality of the interaction. Framing your requests with care, offering feedback with intention, and treating the exchange as a conversation, not a command, can subtly, but powerfully, change what you get back.

Because even in a world of code and computation, how you ask still matters.

If this resonates with you, you might enjoy my book To Question is to Answer: How to Think Critically and Thrive in the Age of AI. It’s all about how better questions—and better habits of interaction—can unlock better outcomes, not just from machines, but from life.